3 Steps to Financial Gratitude in Your Life

By on November 25, 2013 in Financial Gratitude, Holidays

When I mention the topic of financial gratitude to people, sometimes I get the blank stare like “Huh? What the heck is that?”

To me, financial gratitude is when you’re grateful for the resources that you already have, instead of always focusing on what you don’t have.  If you’re always focused on what you don’t have, you’re focusing on the negative instead of being appreciative of what you already do have.

Let me offer an example. If a loved one heard you complaining about what you didn’t get for Christmas when they just gave you a beautiful scarf that they took time to pick out specifically just for you, how do you think they would feel about getting you something next year? Probably not very good, right?  They might not put much effort into it next year.  It works like this in a universal sense as well – if you focus on what you’re not getting, you’re sending out bad energy and you block positive things from showing up in your life.

I’m going to get real here for a minute about my own life.  Two years ago I took the brave step to open my own business, and let me tell you building a business is challenging sometimes.  There’s no guaranteed paycheck, and I’ve been investing in myself and my business heavily.  I have less money in my accounts now than when I started, and I have some additional debt now too from some business investments that I’ve made.  Yet despite the decrease in my financial net worth, my personal self-worth has increased exponentially and I’m grateful to know I’m on the right path and living my purpose.  I choose each and every day to focus on the many resources I do have.  I have supportive family, friends, colleagues, and a life that I love – can you ask for much more than that really?

At this point, you may be saying “Well Beth, how do you find financial gratitude, especially during the challenging moments?”  I’m glad that you asked.

Step #1 – Reflect more on what’s working, and less on what’s not working!

When was the last time you complained about something? I know several years ago that I complained….sadly I did it a LOT.  I was miserable at work and in my life, and I whined to others about it.  My friends were unhappy too – it was like a big old complaint-fest and we fed off each other’s energy about how crappy we felt (yuck). And if I’m being really raw here, I was jealous of other people who were happy.  (Sorry, it’s ugly but it’s true.)

Then I learned to focus more on what was working and the resources that I did have instead of whining and complaining. Slowly but surely I felt a shift start to happen…more good things and good people showed up in my life.

Try for yourself and schedule some time to reflect on what’s working.  If you’re having trouble with getting the complaining under control, Google “A Complaint Free World” to find some great resources.

Step #2 – Write down what’s working

Once you’ve found some positive resources in your life, it’s time to write it down (i.e. journal, gratitude jar, etc.).  Because when we’re trying to shift our habits, sometimes we forget the positive things in the harder moments.  Shifting takes time, so it’s always good to have something written down to refer back to when you’re struggling and having a tough day.

Step #3 – ASK for what you need

During Step #1, inevitably things that you need and don’t yet have will come up.  We can’t help it, we’re human.

Select one item from the list of what you need to ask for help with.  What specifically do you need help with (details are important)? Who can help you? How will you ask for help?

Don’t be afraid to simply ask.  It’s an often forgotten art form, especially for us women.  Be brave and ask as you may just be surprised how positively others respond to your request.  When the resource that you need appears, you can be grateful for it and reflect on what you have (and thus, the circle begins again).

3 simple steps to begin building financial gratitude in your own life – it’s that simple to get started.  And for a bonus step (because some of you are over-achievers like me :)), if you want to take it up a notch you can ask the loved ones in your life how you can help them.  You may just spark something in them to help spread a ripple effect of financial gratitude!

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Designing Your Festive Financial Plan

By on November 12, 2013 in Financial Planning, Holidays, Saving Money

It’s January 15th and you’ve just gotten home to grab your mail and walk in the door at the end of your day…when you notice that the dreaded post-holiday credit card statement has arrived.  You really don’t want to open that statement. (C’mon, we’ve all had that happen to us, yes???)

Well I’m happy to say that it doesn’t need to be that way, if you’re willing to take some time to plan in advance to save money, keep from overspending, and avoid the post-holiday financial hangover!

Similar to everyday money management, designing a holiday financial plan ahead of time that aligns with what matters to you helps more money to stay in your pocket while creating experiences and connections with people you care about.  Here’s how I encourage you to think through and design your own festive financial plan:

–  Step #1:  Decide on your “big” holiday occasions – There are so many opportunities to do things during the holidays, and sometimes it’s a challenge to do them all.  Deciding in advance what your “big” occasions will be (i.e. Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, etc.), and where you’ll enjoy investing your money the most will help you properly allocate most of your money to those occasions in your financial plan.  And if possible, make sure to allocate a small portion of your festive financial plan for the “unknown” events as well (you know, those opportunities to head out unexpectedly with friends for dinner and/or have cocktails with co-workers before or after the company party).

–  Step #2: Focus on experiences vs. things – We live in a consumer culture where we are constantly being bombarded to buy everything, whether it’s with a TV or radio commercial, an email with something on sale (is it me or has the volume of those emails picked up significantly in recent weeks?!?), or a “flash sale” in a store.  It’s unforgiving at times, quite honestly.  So before you start to think about purchasing gifts (which we’ll talk about in Step #3 below), I’d encourage you to think about whether a gift is what you really want to give.  From what I see and hear, people are craving connection and meaning in their lives, so ask yourself – are you in a place to provide either of those gifts to them?  Some examples might include taking time to volunteer as a family at Thanksgiving at a soup kitchen and then coming home to a smaller meal later in the day, or perhaps scheduling a family event in December to get together with loved ones and asking everyone to bring their favorite dish to share with others (so that the party host doesn’t have to bear the entire expense of the event).  Also, one of my favorite things to do is to make a donation to a charity on behalf of a loved one to a charity that has meaning for them.  For example, my Uncle George is also my godfather and every year I make a small donation on his behalf in honor of his sister (my aunt and godmother) who passed away 5 years ago from Lupus.  He doesn’t need gifts or things, but his face lights up every year when I give him the card that says I remembered to make the donation!

–  Step #3: Conscious gift giving – You know how Santa makes a list and he checks it twice?  I encourage you to do the exact same thing!  Put together a list of people that you want to buy for, all the way down to your kids’ teachers and the mailman.  Once you’re done with that list, review it to challenge whether or not you need to buy something or perhaps you can refer back to Step #2 and give them the gift of an experience instead.  Also, ask yourself the question whether there are people on the list who might appreciate one less thing to shop for during the holidays.  As an example, my best friend and I stopped giving gifts several years ago to focus on getting together for lunch instead and it’s one of the best gifts (less time shopping and more time together) we’ve ever given each other!  For anyone who still remains on the list that needs a gift, take some time to decide on a target amount for each person so that when you get in the store you have some idea of how much you’d like to spend.  And lastly, before you even head to the stores, hop online to search for promo codes or coupons at the stores you typically shop at – at this time of year there are always good promo codes and coupons online that can help you save money and keep more money in your pocket!

The few steps above can honestly be done relatively quickly in just under a few hours, yet it can save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars this holiday season.  And a bonus tip for next year so that you can streamline your holiday spending even further if you’d like to: write down who you bought for, what you bought them, and how much you invested.  Take this list and revisit it in January with two main purposes: 1) to see who you’d like to include for next year again (or perhaps who you no longer need to include); and 2) take the total amount that you spent, divide it by 12 months to get a monthly amount and begin to save monthly in advance so you’ll have the money on hand to pay for everything out of pocket!

And above all, remember to have fun when you’re thinking about planning your holiday experiences and gifts.  In this day and age when everyone is so busy, take some time to stop and smell the roses. Life is short and it’s meant to be enjoyed…I’m wishing you and your loved ones a very happy holiday season!

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Blasting through Financial Fear to Financial Freedom

By on October 29, 2013 in Financial Fear, Money Management

As I like to say, people will happily talk about politics, religion, and sex at a cocktail party but they will actively avoid talking about money at all costs.  So why are people so afraid to talk about money or become more proactive with how they manage it? 

Financial fear is standing in the way of so many people fully standing in their power, financially and otherwise.  It’s standing in the way of individual financial freedom and choice as well as the overall financial health of our communities and economies.

It’s time to begin clearing away the fear, and start healing and transforming our relationships with money.

So if you’re saying “good idea, Beth – but how do we start doing that?” you’re not alone.  Here are 3 things to consider that might be adding to a heightened sense of financial fear:

1)      You feel embarrassed and guilty that you’re not better with your money than you are – Many people feel that they “should” be more in charge of their money, and that’s just not helpful energy.  Instead, try forgiving yourself for any financial mistakes you may have made in the past, and if it’s more a matter of wanting to become more proactive (vs. reactive) then make a conscious decision to take one step toward learning something new about your financial situation.  You’d be amazed how quickly one small step at a time builds your money management skill set and gives you more confidence!

2)      You think that you are alone and/or the only one who didn’t get the “money memo” when you were growing up – Let me clear this up quickly, you are NOT ALONE!  Almost 70% of people live paycheck to paycheck and 76% of people feel out of control when it comes to their money according to some recent studies and statistics.  So you’re actually in the majority if you’re feeling frustrated and afraid to talk about money or perhaps even ask for help.  Take it easy on yourself, ok?

3)      You were never taught how to manage your money and don’t even know where to start learning – I’m going to avoid hopping up on my proverbial soapbox about this particular topic (because then this article would begin to sound like a rant!), however suffice it to say that finances and money management aren’t actively or consistently taught in our schools or in our communities.  How are you supposed to know how to build a financial plan if you’re never taught the finer art of doing so?  The fact that these skills aren’t taught is a major barrier to people achieving any type of financial independence.  However, I’m happy to say that proactive money management skills can be systematically taught and learned.

So here’s the summary in a nutshell: You are NOT alone and don’t need to be embarrassed.  The majority of people weren’t taught how to manage money and are feeling overwhelmed.  Being financially proactive IS a teachable and learnable skill.

With all of this in mind, what is the first thing you’ll do for yourself to let go of some of your financial fear?  I’m all about taking small steps toward financial freedom, don’t let it overwhelm you!

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The Top 3 Reasons Why Couples Fight About Money

By on October 15, 2013 in Couples and Money, Money Partnership

It is a well-known and often-cited fact that money and arguments about money are the #1 reason for divorce.  And while it saddens me to know this fact in and of itself, it saddens me even more to know that there are things that can be done to prevent these arguments from happening.  And without arguments, there’s a lower risk of divorce (or if you’re not married, a lower risk of breaking up).

From what I see with my conversations with couples, there are many different reasons why couples tend to fight about money.  However, there are 3 relatively consistent reasons why couples find themselves miscommunicating about money (or perhaps not even communicating at all after a while):

1)      The partners don’t fully appreciate each other’s “money perspective” or “money story” – Like it or not, we are all an accumulation of the various money experiences that we have had over our lifetime, both positive and challenging experiences.  Some experiences weigh more heavily on us and we’re aware of them (they are conscious experiences) while yet some other experiences we are less aware of their impact (they are unconscious and insidiously run our lives without us even realizing it).  So imagine the potential impact when an individual isn’t aware of all of their “money stuff” and then two individuals enter a relationship and multiply the amount of unknown “money stuff” – it becomes a heightened issue and this one particular reason causes the majority of the money fights I see and hear about.  While it may seem like an odd conversation to have, I always advise couples to take the time to sit down and curiously explore how their partner grew up around money and what they believe.  When you understand where they are coming from and what they learned (their personal “money filter” if you will), often times it is helpful information to refer to later on when a money discussion begins – you’ll have a better appreciation of their side!

2)      Insufficient knowledge of numbers (a.k.a. “financial reality”) by either the couple together or one partner in the relationship – Understanding your numbers is a critical cornerstone of any proactive money management approach and any well-designed financial plan.  However, when the numbers aren’t understood by one individual or both parties in a relationship it is a common point of confusion and overwhelm.  Sometimes people are burying their heads in the sand on purpose, sometimes there is financial disorganization and clutter so understanding the totality of your finances is a challenge, and sometimes it’s a matter that the couple hasn’t taken the time to align their goals together and as a result they are using money in different ways that don’t support what they really want the relationship to be about.  Any of these reasons can cause confusion and challenging energy in any financial conversation.

3)      Financial infidelity – While I’ve spoken out in detail about this particular issue before (see here for article on this topic), it’s worth revisiting.  In a nutshell, when you’re hiding (consciously or unconsciously) financial transactions and behavior from your significant other, it can slowly and quietly tear at the fabric of trust in a relationship.  The first step in assessing whether financial infidelity has crept into your relationship is to ask yourself what you might be doing to impact the level of financial authenticity in your relationship.  Second, listen and get feedback from your partner about what they believe could be working better in your financial relationship (you don’t always have to agree, just start with listening!).  And third, now that you’ve self-assessed and asked your partner for feedback, it’s time to get on the same page with purposely-designed mutual goals that become the underlying backbone of any proactive money management approach and well-designed financial plan.

Each of these 3 issues has potential on their own to confuse and alter a couple’s ability to have honest and authentic money conversations, and sometimes all 3 of these issues surface at the same time causing a tsunami of emotions and miscommunications.  It can lead to one partner or both partners feeling shut down and scared to communicate how they really feel because they either believe that their partner won’t hear them (i.e. the partner has one way of looking at things and doesn’t understand where they are coming from) or that they are going to just step into the same fight all over again.

If you’re in a situation now with a partner where you’re arguing about money, here’s my best piece of advice that I can give you to get started unlocking the mystery of a strong money partnership for you and your significant other – find your vulnerability, take some time to think about how you would like to kindly approach the topic of money, and start simply.  Don’t make it about the large sack of financial baggage that is weighing you both down, start with some honesty about simply wanting to make things better, and invite your partner to a conversation so that you can better understand where they are coming from when it comes to money.

And while all of the above steps do indeed take time and effort, if you invest the time to better understand your partner and their money perspective I promise that over time it will pay off in a more cohesive and purposeful financial plan that will lead you more quickly to a life of financial independence!

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Upgrading Your Money Mindset

By on October 1, 2013 in Money Mindset

As you start on your journey out of financial overwhelm onto a path of financial independence, it is important to take a look at your earlier years where you began to learn about money.  It is truly amazing how many people are held back by limiting fears and beliefs about money that they never even realized they had, and often these limiting fears and beliefs are engrained in us from things that we saw, heard, and experienced with money early on in our lives.  And when we don’t realize that we have these limiting fears and beliefs, they’re like a hamster running on a wheel in our brain…imprinting and reinforcing the same unsupportive thoughts over and over and over again.

In order to truly build a strong financial foundation, it’s critical to first spend some time reconnecting with what you’ve seen, heard, and experienced with money throughout your life.  By first examining your financial background and beliefs, you’ll be more aware of what may be standing in your way of financial success. Once you become aware of any financial barriers you may have, you can then take the time to understand those barriers and ultimately reprogram your financial blueprint for financial success!

So, how do you exactly get started doing that?  I’m glad you asked!

When I work with people to help them understand their money mindset, I take a 3-step approach – awareness, understanding, and reconditioning.  In a nutshell, you have to first be aware that you have a particular money mindset block, then you need to better understand where it came from, and finally you need to focus on reconditioning that particular belief into something more positive.

Here’s a brief overview of the key steps you can take to peek inside your brain to see if your own hamster wheel is spinning without you even realizing it:

1)      Become aware of your money story and/or money history – When I work with clients, I ask them to provide candid answers to some pretty interesting questions about how they grew up with money and how money has shown up in their lives.  Here are 2 questions that you can ask yourself to begin identifying what unsupportive money beliefs might be standing in your way.

  • What is the “money story” that you grew up with? What did you see, hear, and experience with money?
  • Who did your “money story” come from?  Who influenced your thoughts about money?

2)      Take the time to understand the current impact of your money story – Once you’ve identified what you saw, heard and experienced with money earlier on in your life, it’s time to reflect on how it has impacted you over time and right now.  Ask yourself these questions:

  •  How has this “money story” shown up for you in your life (financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and in any other way that has impacted you)?
  • What is the core underlying belief (or message) within your “money story”? (For example, “I’m not good at managing money”; “Having a lot of money will make me less spiritual”; “I have some resentment toward wealthy people”; “Financial security comes from a paycheck and benefits”;  “You have to work hard for your money”; or “You can’t get rich doing what you love”…just to name a few.)

3)      Get ready to start clearing the decks – Once you’re aware of your money story and the impact that it has had on your life, it’s time to start reconditioning yourself to believe differently.  Quite honestly, one of the best strategies I’ve been taught to begin reconditioning yourself requires that you grab a rubber band and put it around your wrist.  And easily enough, use the rubber band to “snap” yourself on the wrist each time an unsupportive thought pops into your mind about money.  You would be surprised how quickly you get annoyed at having to snap yourself because it hurts!!!!  If you’re not wanting to harm yourself and want a gentler approach, carry a journal with you and write down your unsupportive thoughts when they come up and take the time at the end of each day to reflect on how each thought is not true (i.e. what evidence can you find in your life to contradict your thought).

In the interest of being transparent, I’ve had to go through this process a few times with unsupportive thoughts about money that I picked up along the way.  For me, my awesome parents who taught me great money management skills also engrained in me that “financial security comes from a paycheck and benefits.”  So, in other words, working for someone else offers financial stability – not so helpful for an entrepreneur, right?  I had to do some serious work to recondition myself to believe that I could rely on myself (and yes, I’ve actually done the rubber band snapping and while it hurts like hell it does work!).

As a final note, often times this process of examining your money mindset can be even more important than knowing your numbers and building a financial plan that helps you to save money and get out of debt.  Building your financial house means you need a strong financial foundation, and your mindset about money is exactly that…your foundation.

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